PUTIN WILL RUN FOR PRESIDENT OF U.S. in 2016!

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Vladimir Putin reportedly announced plans to run for President of the United States.

 Russian President Vladimir Putin is tired of how the United States is being run.  ”It is a weak country with weak leadership.”  He thinks that he can bring the United States back to glory.  So, he announced that he is going to run as a Democrat in 2016 for the President of the United States.

How can a Russian run for President of the United States.  WWN learned that President Obama made a secret plan with Putin and Democrat leaders in Congress.  ”It will happen,” a Russian insider said.

Putin already has his Presidential dog, so he’s ready to go.

Putin knows he will be challenged for the Democrat nomination by Hillary Clinton, but he is confident he will defeat her handedly.  ”He will crush her like tomato,” said a Putin advisor.

Putin has not been impressed with either President Obama or any of the Bush family.  He feels that if he takes over America and Russia, he can soon take over China and then… the world.

“I will make Earth the best planet in the universe,” Putin reportedly told Pravda.

Republicans, oddly enough, support Putin running for office.  ”We’ve basically had a Communist in office for the last five years, so we are used to it,” said a Republican Senator.  ”He can’t be any worse than Obama.”

Putin is taking President Obama out on a hunting trip tomorrow.  ”He needs how to learn how to shoot… and duck.”

BOOK YOUR ONE-WAY TRIP TO MARS!

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Thousands are lining up for a one-way trip to Mars!  Book your flight now!

A Dutch company is establishing a human colony on Mars.  The non-profit organization, Mars One, will send a crew to the Red Planet in 2016 – and because there will be major changes in the human body after a stay on Mars, there’d be no coming back.  You have to say goodbye to Earth.

That’s what has many across the world so excited.  ”I’m sick of this planet,” said Janet Ross of Sante Fe.  I want a new planet.  Mars fits me perfectly.”

78,000 people have applied to become one of Mars’ first immigrants (the company is expecting 5,00,000 applicants). “This is turning out to be the most desired job in history,” said Bas Lansdorp, co-founder of Mars One.

Day-to-day life on Mars will be no picnic: The organization says that the daily routine would involve construction work on the colony (installing greenhouses, for example), maintenance of the settlement’s systems and research into Mars’ climate and geological history–all in an inhospitable environment with unbreathable air and an  average temperature in the planet’s mid-latitudes of around -58 degrees Farenheit.

But Mars One says it is not looking for applicants with specific skills, such as a science degree, that might be useful during an interplanetary posting. Instead, they are looking for people who “have a deep sense of purpose, willingness to build and maintain healthy relationships, the capacity for self-reflection and ability to trust.” They also want volunteers who are “resilient, adaptable, curious, creative and resourceful.” Candidates will receive a minimum of eight years training before leaving Earth, the company says.

Candidates hailing from over 120 countries (although the vast majority are from the U.S.) uploaded a video to Mars One’s website explaining why they’re suitable for the mission.

People are still lining up outside their offices:

In addition to people skills, successful applicants must be good fundraisers too: Mars One plans to raise much of the mission’s $6 billion estimated cost through a reality TV show following the applicants as they undergo preparations for the one-way trip to Mars.

Book now!  There’s only a few seats left!

BIGGEST ALLIGATOR CAUGHT IN MISSISSIPPI!

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A UPS worker caught the heaviest and longest alligator in Mississippi over the weekend.

The first record was set early on Sunday, with a 10ft reptile, weighing 295.3lb, which took the heaviest and longest titles for a female alligator.

Just a few hours later however, first-time hunter Beth Trammell, of Madison, helped haul in a 723.5lb male alligator. Her catch broke the state record, but only for a few hours.

Later in the day UPS worker Dustin Bockman was part of a three-man team who caught a 13ft long, 727lb beast from the Mississippi.

“We’re going to cook it for sure,” he said.   ”There’s plenty for me and everybody else.”

Alligators had nearly been hunted to extinction in Mississippi in the 1960s but a successful conservation program now means the state needs controlled hunting of the reptiles.

It offers permits to a select number of people each year, who are able to hunt in public waters from August 30 to September 9.

It took Mr Bockman, his brother and a friend, nearly 12 hours to catch the huge gator.

After two hours of trailing it, they got close enough to shoot it with a crossbow, which is where the fight between man and beast began, the Clarion-Ledger reported.

‘He would go to the bottom and sit like a log. You couldn’t do nothing with him,’ Mr Bockman said.

Compared to what came next, reeling the 727lb beast in was nothing. 

After it was dead, the hunters were faced with the dilemma of how to get the carcass in their boat.
It took four hours of tugging before they gave up, and rested their catch on a sandbar as they waited for help.

The three men then waited for more than two hours for reinforcements to arrive.

‘Tired, hungry, we’d been pulling on a 700lb gator for four hours, and we really needed a nap at that point,’ Mr Bockman said.

As they made their way back to have it officially weighed and measured, they heard another hunter had caught a gator weighing more than 700lb and feared their hopes of glory would fade.

However, they were soon declared the record breakers.

The story of their catch was echoed by first-time hunter Ms Trammell, and her team of six, who took more than four hours to catch, kill and tow to shore their 723.5lb beast.

When she first saw their alligator surface, she said: ‘Oh my gosh, it’s the Loch Ness Monster.’

‘It took about four hours to get it in the boat,’ Ms Trammell said. ‘We had to flag another boat down to help us out it was so big.’

After taking the record for the heaviest alligator Mr Bockman plans to use its skin to make a gun strap and a picture frame.

Ms Trammell is making arrangements to have her gator butchered for meat. ‘I think my brother-in-law is going to get the head mounted,’ she added.

 Mississippi’s wildlife management team believe more records could be broken one day soon.‘I expect we’re going to break 14ft one day,’ alligator program coordinator Ricky Flynt said.

‘They’re long-lived animals. We know they can live 50 to 60 years in captivity, who knows how long they can live in the wild.’

Jessica, Jerreat, Daily Mail

FRYSCRAPER ATTACKS!

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A  new London skyscraper, nicknamed the Fryscraper, is melting cars, stores and… people!

The Fryscraper purposely reflects light, which melts anything that comes in it’s path.  Many Londoners believe that the Frayscraper has a mind of its own and targets certain people and objects.

Martin Lindsay parked his Jaguar on Eastcheap, in the City of London, on Thursday afternoon.

When he returned about two hours later, his car had melted.

The 37-story skyscraper at 20 Fenchurch Street, which has been nicknamed the “Walkie-Talkie” because of its shape, is currently under construction, but workers say that they feel that the building is “alive.”

“The building is doing things on its own.  None of my workers want to go near it anymore,” said Ian Williams, the building project manager.

The developers London Securities and Candle Wharf said: “We are aware of concerns regarding the light reflecting from 20 Fenchurch Street and are looking into the matter.  We do not believe that the building is ‘alive’, that is just ludicrous.”But employees for London Securities have all gotten ill recently and most have quit working for the firm.  ”The Fryscraper has taken over our lives. We don’t want anything to do with it.  It’s the devil,”  a former employee told WWN.

The building really hates ice cream trucks:

Scotland Yard is investigating the building, searching for clue to its “evilness”

“We are not afraid of a building,” said Marcus Miller of Scotland Yard.  ”We will blow it to bits if we have to.”

Marcus Miller has not been seen for a week now.

WORLD’S FURRIEST CAT!

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An American cat with its own website, Facebook page and YouTube channel now has another achievement to add to the list: A world record.

‘Colonel Meow’ has earned a place in the Guinness World Records 2014 for the longest hair ever measured on a cat.

The two-year-old feline from Los Angeles has hair that measures nine inches.

He proudly displays his certificate:

Owners Anne Marie Avey and Eric Rosario say they are delighted by the world record.

“We already knew that he was the best cat in the world, but to be recognised in the Guinness World Records book takes it to the next level,” says Ms Avey.

However, owning the world’s furriest cat does have its downside.

“Literally everything in the house has hair on it,” she says, “including us! I feel like I’m always vacuuming!”

Maintenance of Colonel Meow’s epic mane can also be a herculean task, the couple say.

He needs brushing up to three times a week and it takes two people to complete the job.

Ms Avey and Mr Rosario adopted the Himalayan-Persian cross-breed from a cat rescue centre.

Colonel Meow found fame earlier this year when his owners posted footage of him on YouTube (see below)  which has racked up millions of views.

Reported by SkyNews

ALIEN ROCKS FOUND IN MEXICO!

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Alien rocks, from Planet Gootan, were discovered in Mexico.

The rocks were found in the state of Sonora.  Experts from the U.N. Panel of Extraterrestrials have identified the rocks as being from Planet Gootan.  ”They are definitely Gootan rocks.  No doubt about it,” said Dr. John Malley, the head of the U.N. Panel on Extraterrestrials.

Some thought that the rocks had fallen from a dump truck. They were wrong.  They fell from outer space.  Some thought that the smell was gas, but it’s not… it’s a radioactive, intergalactic substance know as Gooboplasm.

 The U.N. is carefully going to study the rock.  The U.S. military is getting involved as well.  ”We are concerned that the rocks may be weaponized, so we are taking every precaution,” said a representative from the Defense Department.

The rocks contained phosphorite, a chemical chain reaction that could have ignited them as they were been subjected to friction.Phosphorus in rocks, or phosphorite, is usually deposited by sediment – dissolved phosphorus from continental weathering that is brought to the oceans by rivers and streams.

So why did the Gootans drop rocks on Earth?

“Earth has been under attack by the Gootans since November of 2011,” said Dr. Malley.  ”There has been a cover-up by all governments on Earth, and most citizens have not noticed because it has not impacted many populations yet.  But, there is an ongoing attack on Earth by the Gootans.”

Dr. Malley said that the U.N. is proud that they captured the Gootan rocks.  ”It is a major victory in the battle against Planet Gootan.”

WALKING SHARK

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A shark “walked” from Indonesia to Hawaii.

The shark made the trek in just over a week.  A record for a shark – and any other species on the planet.

This strutting shark  ”walks” along the bottom of the ocean floor. The shark, Hemiscyllium halmahera, uses its fins to wiggle along the seabed and forage for small fish and crustaceans.  Reportedly the shark always wanted to see Hawaii, so he decided to make the trip while he was “still young and limber.”

The shark, which has wide horizontal stripes, grows to a maximum length of just 30in and is harmless to humans – unless you step on his fins.  If you do – watch out!

The shark started his journey on the eastern island of Halmahera, one of the Maluku islands and ended up in Maui.  He was greeted by dancers and a major “shark luau.”  Reports are the shark had one too many Mai Tais.

The trek highlights the extraordinary abilities of sharks.  

Indonesian scientists working with conservation groups said they hoped the shark find would deepen interest in marine tourism.  But some in Hawaii were startled by the way the shark celebrated upon arriving on their shores:

This was actually the third walking shark ever recorded.  The first two walking sharks were walking along Ipanema beach and down by San Diego, California.   Scientists predict another walking shark will try to break the 7,000 mile record.

http://youtu.be/HXEfud1c-do