ALIEN ROCKS FOUND IN MEXICO!

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Alien rocks, from Planet Gootan, were discovered in Mexico.

The rocks were found in the state of Sonora.  Experts from the U.N. Panel of Extraterrestrials have identified the rocks as being from Planet Gootan.  ”They are definitely Gootan rocks.  No doubt about it,” said Dr. John Malley, the head of the U.N. Panel on Extraterrestrials.

Some thought that the rocks had fallen from a dump truck. They were wrong.  They fell from outer space.  Some thought that the smell was gas, but it’s not… it’s a radioactive, intergalactic substance know as Gooboplasm.

 The U.N. is carefully going to study the rock.  The U.S. military is getting involved as well.  ”We are concerned that the rocks may be weaponized, so we are taking every precaution,” said a representative from the Defense Department.

The rocks contained phosphorite, a chemical chain reaction that could have ignited them as they were been subjected to friction.Phosphorus in rocks, or phosphorite, is usually deposited by sediment – dissolved phosphorus from continental weathering that is brought to the oceans by rivers and streams.

So why did the Gootans drop rocks on Earth?

“Earth has been under attack by the Gootans since November of 2011,” said Dr. Malley.  ”There has been a cover-up by all governments on Earth, and most citizens have not noticed because it has not impacted many populations yet.  But, there is an ongoing attack on Earth by the Gootans.”

Dr. Malley said that the U.N. is proud that they captured the Gootan rocks.  ”It is a major victory in the battle against Planet Gootan.”

ELEVENTH COMMANDMENT FOUND ON MOUNT SINAI!

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An archaeologist has found a portion of a stone table engraved 3,000 years ago with an eleventh Commandment!

Oxford University professor Rupert Catchpole, 45, made the Earth-shattering find while heading up an excavation near the summit of the famous mountain where tradition says the Ten Commandments were given to Moses by God.

The biblical hero, famously played by Charlton Heston in the film The Ten commandments is said to have brought the list of divinely dictated rules to his people on stone tablets.

And in Exodus 32:19, when he catches the Israelites worshiping the golden calf, he’s said to have broken the tablets in frustration.

“The thing with stone is that it’s often brittle,” says Catchpole.  ”When it breaks, pieces scatter in t every direction.

“In the heat of the moment, Moses may have broken off the eleventh Commandment and either didn’t realize it, or he was just too tired to remember it when he engraved the new tablets for the IIsraelites after they repented. Who knows?”

The portion of stone is about 132 inches wide and 3 inches tall.  Hebrew writing is engraved across it.

“It’s clearly a part of a larger piece,” says the professor.  ”The bottom edge is smooth and bordered with a very ornate design – it’s incredible workmanship.  The top edge is jagged, so it’s easy to surmise that the piece broke off the bottom of a larger table.”

But what does the Commandment actually say?

“This is the difficult bit,” says Catchpole.  ”It appears to read, ‘Thous shalt not spend all day on the Internet.”  It seems absurd and for many years nobody knew what it meant.  But now it is clear.

God must obviously knew that the Internet was coming and that it would be challenge to man’s willpower and moral.

The Egyptian Ministry of State for Antiquities, which is tasked with securing and preserving ancient relics of historic significance, has taken possession of the table fragment, and allowed scholars from Israel to inspect it.

It’s difficult to be sure, says Israeli archaeologist Shlomo Schnur, “but I think the full Commandment reads, “Thou shalt not spend all day on the Internet looking at porn.”  That would make sense, as a show of respect for God.

Experts hope further analysis will settle the matter.

DINOSAURS FOUND ON MARS

There is life on Mars - and it's huge!

Phoenix Mars Lander, NASA has sent a photo of what appears to be a very large upright dinosaur threatening on the surface of the planet red - and shocked scholars claim that discovery changed 'everything we thought we knew about the alien life.'

The space agency has delayed releasing the stunning news to the public pending a comprehensive analysis of the available data. But Dr. Simon Wycoff, an astrobiologist acting as consultant for project Phoenix, agreed to reveal what is known about the giant reptile and find the implications of sprawl.

In an exclusive interview with journalist Weekly World News Bob James, Wycoff said the creature looks like the dinosaur land Tyrannosaurus Rex, but at least three times larger than the ferocious predator.

WWN: why is the dinosaur so much bigger than dinosaur fossils on Earth?

WYCOFF: the relative absence of gravity on the Moon allowed the so great beast. The stronger gravity would cause any creature that big collapsing under its own weight.

WWN: the dinosaur's is the only one of its kind?

WYCOFF: it is very likely. We assume that they were breeding there for thousands of years.

WWN: why not discover us earlier?

WYCOFF: we believe that dinosaurs mainly live on the dark side of the Moon, the territory on which we know very little. They must have excellent night vision and thrive in cold temperatures.

WWN: that ate dinosaurs?

WYCOFF: each other. Members of their own species would be their sole source of nutrition. They are cannibalistic.

WWN: is it possible to estimate their population?

WYCOFF: is as we explore the dark side of the moon. Even in this case, it will be difficult to get an exact number due to the lack of light and the terrain of the Martian surface.

WWN: how the dinosaurs got there?

WYCOFF: at this point, your proposal is as good as mine. One theory is that microscopic organisms were transported throughout the solar system comets. On this account, life on earth began when one of these biological material comets tabled on our planet after crashing on it. The same phenomenon could occur on Mars.

WWN : dinosaurs became extinct on Earth there are 70 million years. Why is that they have survived on Mars?

WYCOFF : dinosaurs were erased from the Earth's surface by a massive asteroid impact. Apparently March escaped a similarcalamity.

WWN: President Bush has promised to establish a human colony on Mars. What is this discovery to this plan?

WYCOFF: it puts the kibosh on this subject, I think. A maximum of six or seven astronauts will result in a human expedition to Mars. They would no more that a tasty appetizers for creatures make this size. It would be crazy to spend more than 50 billion $ to send the man hard just to be eaten by a dinosaur. The American taxpayer would never stand for it.

BIGFOOT SKULL FOUND!

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A scientist in Idaho found a fossilized Bigfoot skull.

Ralph Barnkopf came by the West Coast offices of WWN and showed us a Bigfoot skull he found in the woods outside Boise.

“It’s a Bigfoot skull, for sure.  I’d bet my life on it,”  Ralph told WWN.

We contacted a number of Bigfoot experts.   Dr. Lee Blanton of Alberta, Canada confirmed that the Barnkopf skull was, indeed, a Bigfoot skull.

The head looks like it belonged to a Bigfoot that looked like this:

“I was looking for some fossils,” the 69-year-old “semi-retired” anthropologist told WWN, “and I was kind of drawn to something in the ground.”

It was a rock, sticking up out of the dirt.

“So I went and dug it out, and you couldn’t tell what it was ’cause the head was face down; all you could see was the back of it,” he said. “But when I dug it out you could see the face, perfect.”

The skull tips the scales at 70 pounds and is the first Bigfoot skull found in modern times.

“I’ve been tracking and watching for Bigfoot,” Barnkopf said. “I’m very curious, interested in that, and wanted to get footage on it ’cause I’ve ran across him a couple of times.”

“I think people need to be more aware, open their eyes and be more aware of what’s around us,” he said. “Because I think there’s a lot of ancient (things), and fossils and different things, around us that if people would just kind of open their eyes to they’d see that we walk past them every day.”

SUPER EARTHS FOUND!

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Three Super Earths, capable of supporting life, were discovered by scientists.

Astronomers believe they are close to our galaxy and that all three “earths” can sustain human life. 

Super Earths mean they have between one and 10 times the mass of the Earth.

Previous studies had identified three planets orbiting the star, including one in the habitable zone.

Lead scientist Dr Gino Angelo, from the University of  Rome, said: ‘We identified three strong signals in the star before, but it was possible that smaller planets were hidden in the data.

Angelo said that the planets seem to be identical in make-up to Earth and that “you can almost seen the oceans on each of the planets.”  Angelo also picked ups signals coming from the Super Earths.   He thinks that “humans” on the Super Earths are also looking for us.

“We are looking for each other at the very same time.  This makes sense, given the Big Bang Theory, “Angelo said.

The Chinese want to take the “lead” on travel to the new Super Earths and stated that they will launch a space ship in the next ten years to go to each of the planets.

President Obama also hailed the discovery and plans to send a Republican delegation to the planets as soon as possible.